Nomadic Thoughts

Enjoying a lovely day off work when this thought hit me: I long to be nomad. I don't know where this thought comes from to be honest. I remember reading the gospels about Jesus sending his disciples out with no money, no extra clothes and just told them to go. I've been thinking a lot about what kind of christian or little Christ I am to the world around me. I've always longed for the more life shattering parts of following Jesus but I was lulled to sleep with the possessions this country could offer me. The more stuff I had, the emptier I felt. I was selling my soul to not feel like myself. Romans 1:21-22 says, "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools." I just don't know what to say after that scripture because it tears my heart in two. There are so many things that I regret that still eat me up inside. There are memories that cause me to want to crawl into a cave. I'm so afraid to face the world around me as this broken person. I am a very torn up person most of the time. Trying to rediscover yourself after you've had this fake identity would be the hardest thing in the world to accomplish if you did not have any supernatural help. Jesus says in Matthew 18:3 "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." I want to change.






Christ has die and
Christ is risen,
and Christ will come again

I'm an Adult? Are you serious?

I think I have officially hit that point where I sleep way less then I need to and I always feel like I'm at work. The time is currently 2:23 as I type this sentence. Why am I still up when I have to start my 3.5 day shift at 7am? I helped by covering night watch on Saturday night and stayed up for church and then slept a little too long. Now, I'm starting to get tired again but also realizing I have 16 hours today of managing a group 10 troubled teenagers. I guess this is what "adult" life feels like? Maybe so. Either way I'm slowly getting more and more used to this kind of lifestyle. The appeal of the so-called slacker college life has lost a lot of its luster to me. There comes to a point to where you can't live your life as a slacker. There's far too much to do and to create in the time that you have been given then to sit around and wonder why your life sucks. That I think is the greatest tragedy of the society that we live in. We expect everyone else to do everything for us instead of taking control of creativity that we all have. For years I've heard about the potential people see inside of me. I really want to use this time now to allow God to get me to the point where I can honestly go back to seminary with no doubts or regrets. That's what I want as I slowly become comfortable with my so-called Adult life.

I heart Iron and Wine

Cinder and Smoke is a great great song.